"I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid,
but he who conquers that fear."
-Nelson Mandela
the other day, i was longboarding. i was trying to do this new trick. i messed up my footing & had a gnarly crash onto this burning hot asphalt. my hands were bleeding, my elbow was cut open, & i felt a bruise on my hip forming. i got up & back on my board, but i found myself avoiding anything difficult. i would hesitate.. as soon as i started to move my feet, my hip seemed to speak up with pain or my hands would ache. i would be reminded of the pain doing the trick had caused me as a warning against trying again. i had this moment. i could go back to my house & watch The Office, grab some ice & bandage myself up.
or i could address my fear immediately with courage.
so i did. i didn't want my potential to be determined by my fear.
i understood that at my core, i never want fear to choose for me.
i think this translates to many other places of our lives.
we get scorned and hurt and cut up while we're out living life. we let someone take a few bricks off of our walls, only to find them shooting arrows through the gap they created. we take a leap into a new job that doesn't work out. we have the courage to dream and- yet- not always achieve it.
here's my point: you have to respond to what scares and/or hurts you immediately.
if i had gone back to my house & let Michael Scott heal my wounds, i would have a built up fear the next time i got on my board. tackling our fear right away extinguishes a spark before it has the chance to turn into a wildfire.
did you show him or her the bruises of your heart only for it not to work? did you invest in your passion & not find success? did you get left behind? did you crash your longboard? if so, you've done something absolutely atrocious: you've been human.
recently, i did something insane. i let myself care for a boy. i know that sounds arbitrary, but when you are the gate keeper of a heart that's more guarded than alcatraz, letting yourself outside of the door is a huge feat. i ended up with cuts & bruises from the trek.
& now i have a decision. i can run to the shade of my walls & give myself time to recover. this is a viable option.. it's understandable. it would even be understandable to take up extra defenses. or. i can let the sun help heal my cuts & bruises by walking forward unreservedly. it's terrifying. if i'm honest, i yearn to run to safety.
sometimes, safety is the most dangerous thing you can seek for yourself. danger can be a friend. if it scares you, greet it with confidence. if it scares you, tackle it. we are not creatures contained by the rules of fear. we are wild hearts created to live freely and experience fully.
i was listening to a Ted Talk recently. The Ted Talk was by Caroline Paul, & it was called: "to raise brave girls, encourage adventure". i think girls are especially cautious of danger.. it's what we're taught ever since we ran through the kitchen in our mom's oversized high heels. Caroline Paul asked, "why isn't bravery expected of women?" after she got up from an explosion a fire created to extinguish it by herself.
She noted a study done with children at a playground's fire pole. The vast majority of girls were warned against playing with the fire poles while boys were encouraged. when the girls went to play at the fire pole, parents assisted them; when boys went to play at the fire pole, parents gave them guidance from afar.
us women are taught to have an initial reaction of fear rather than bravery.
we are heavily cautioned before we're guided through possible dangers.
this infuriates me. we are created to be brave in timid places.
if it scares you, ask yourself why. where is your bravery? what's in its way?
i was exploring an abandoned prison the other day. my sweet friend came along, & she mentioned while we were leaving that she would never go at night. i said i wasn't sure. i thought of all the days in my life-- how many times i breathe every day... how many times my heart beats in a day. how many times do i feel it? when i'm doing something that scares me, i'm aware of my lungs. i feel my heart pumping. in other words, i am incredibly aware that i am alive. doing what scares us reminds us that we're alive-- acting in spite of our fears allows us to be fully alive.
yes, there are things we should not do and sometimes cannot do... but fear can be the greatest excuse. it may be surprising, but i am terrified of plenty of things. i'm typically the first to jump off the cliff into water or shark dive or try some sketchy food, but the reason my fear doesn't show is because i don't allow it to determine what i do. for example, i am absolutely terrified of being loved and truly known. it's one of my deepest fears. even so, i will never allow that fear to stop me from loving and learning (slowly) how to be loved. not because i'm immune to fear, but because i am created to be free. maybe a boy will come in & trip me on that process. i'll fall off my board. i'll get rejected from writing for a magazine. i'll receive substantial injuries-- physical or emotional.
it's important to be aware of your abilities. this also reduced fear: remind yourself of why you're able to do what scares you. what skills do you have that prove that you can do this? knowing your assets, your abilities, skills, etc will give you courage. are you traveling to a country by yourself? what skills do you have posses that will keep you brave & safe? are you applying for a new job? are you quitting a job? are you asking a girl or boy out? be aware of yourself & how you're capable... then feel the thrill. it feels like fear sometimes. but thrill is to be embraced & cherished.
but i won't let that fear or that reminder of pain stop me from learning new tricks.
we are brave things-- me & you. male or female. black, yellow, white, muslim, christian, buddhist. you & i alike are capable of a bravery that shakes the grounds of fear to crumble. a bravery that loves regardless of fear. a bravery that looks at the way things are & says, "actually we can do better".
don't be afraid of the cuts & bruises, i promise they heal.
if it scares you, get excited. get ready. something greater is coming. let bravery be what takes you there.
"If you hear a voice within you say 'you cannot paint,'
then by all means paint,
and that voice will be silenced." -v.v. gogh-
Comentarios